i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
