My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
