NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
