After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
