I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
