I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Is it because I queefed?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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