If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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