There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
