Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize