A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
