Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
