She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
