please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
