no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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