Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
