Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
