Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
