i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
