so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
