South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
