They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
