mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
