Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
