was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
