I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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