sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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