Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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