R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
