This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
