Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
