youre lurking in front of me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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