she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
