forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
