I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
