Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize