One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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