Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
