...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
