Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
