biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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