If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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