so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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