my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
