you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
