A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
