before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
