you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
