I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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