So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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