I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize