dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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