The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
