i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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