he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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