The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
