he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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