Got a toothbrush?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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