You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
