Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
