the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
