Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
