i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
