dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
