my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize