nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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