We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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