ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
