I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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