I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
