That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
