I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
