lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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