haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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