Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
