Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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