Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
