i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
