somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
