guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize