Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
