We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
