Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize