Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
