I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I want her autograph on my taint
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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