I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
