I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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