Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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