would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
