Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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