This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
