Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
