Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
