his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
