you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
