You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
