standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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