Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
