Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
