HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize